Hover on the images to see my invisible friend
This book is a personal journey through a day with my invisible disabilities, anxiety and depression. I have created this book as part of my campaign to raise awareness of invisible disabilities. Mental health issues are some of the most misunderstood invisible disabilities. They are also the easiest to be overlooked and disguised. A person with mental health issues can look healthy and happy on the outside but on the inside they are being torn apart.
When sleep is an escape
My invisible friend does not want to wake up
“I have to talk myself into getting out of bed”
Lack of sleep can make waking up in the morning difficult, however, combined with my anxiety and depression the motivation to get out of bed, even on days when I have something good planned is a struggle. I feel safe in my bed, I can ignore the world from its comfort and security.
“For 15 years I would not leave my home without wearing a baseball cap”
The only way I can leave my home is to feel OK or confident about the way I look, My Image confidence isn’t about me wearing the right clothes, shoes, makeup or even a hat regardless of the weather, it is about me feeling safe from judgement in what I am wearing. Some days I find it impossible to find anything I feel safe in and I just will not leave my home.
Always wear a smile
My invisible friend can not decide what to wear
What if I fall?
My invisible friend hides from the postman
When my resistance is low due anxiety or depression I am easily overwhelmed by the pressure of phone calls, emails, texts and social media, to the point where the sound of the letter box rattling or someone knocking on my front door causes a panic attack.
“The postman rarely brings good news”
“I am not shouting to be rude, I am shouting because I am having a panic attack”
My anxiety causes a ‘flight or fight’ response in me that can become intense when in a position where flight is not possible such as a packed bus or a crowded room with a blocked exit. Unless I can control the anxiety with coping techniques it can build into a ‘panic attack’ that presents as claustrophobia and I need to fight my way out.
Take a deep breath
My invisible friend feels trapped on the bus
Loneliness is my worst enemy
My invisible friend eats with me alone
My social anxiety exists alongside my general anxiety. Its not that I am too afraid to talk to anyone it is that I do not feel like anyone wants to be friends with me or even cares that I am in the room. When I do make friends it is difficult to keep them because they do not want to be around me when I am in a mood (depressed) and I can not always do the social stuff they do because of my anxiety.
“Loneliness is not being alone its feeling that nobody cares your alone”
“I get physically tired just trying to control my anxiety“
The only way I can leave my home is to feel OK or confident about the way I look, My Image confidence isn’t about me wearing the right clothes, shoes, makeup or even a hat regardless of the weather, it is about me feeling safe from judgement in what I am wearing. Some days I find it impossible to find anything I feel safe in and I just will not leave my home.
Put your own oxygen mask on first
My invisible friend gets tired from medication
This is only temporary
My invisible friend struggles to take care of herself
My anxiety and depression affect my motivation to do the things that I normally enjoy, such as photography, gardening, interacting online with friends or just watching TV. It can be so extreme that some days I do not even have the incentive to take care of myself. One of the first signs of depression is not eating regularly or properly, not caring about bathing, or keeping your living areas tidy. Anxiety can affect your ability to go out and buy food, respond to social invitations and maintain financial
“I did not leave my home for a week once because I was afraid too go outside”
Sleep on it
“I can not sleep unless I am so exhausted I can not stay awake”
Suicide is not the coward’s way out, it takes great strength to end your own life.
My own suicide attempt was not planned, it was an act of desperation and a cry for help and was totally ignored at the time by the people who should have been there for me.
Mental health services are so over stretched it can take over 9 months to get therapy and you are limited to 12 sessions.
Samaritan help lines are so busy you can not guarantee someone will answer your call anymore.
Brave is waking up tomorrow
My invisible friend can not wake me up
“I once tried to kill myself, now I ask for help”
Together we are not alone
My invisible friend and I are not alone
1 in 4 people in the UK have a mental health issue. Peer Talk is a network of volunteer facilitated support groups that were established in January 2016. They believe everyone should be able to access support within their community and be able to meet like minded people in a safe environment where they will not be judged. It is their aim to eventually set up Peer Talk groups in every city, town and village throughout England.
“Attending a Peer Talk group could be the first step to feeling better”
If you have been affected by any of the images or issues raised on this website please talk to a friend, family member or seek help from your GP. Alternatively you can phone one of the support lines below.
Samaritans 116 123 Anxiety UK 03444 775 774 Mind 0300 123 3393
wwww.peertalk.org.uk Phone 07908 493 880 for admin Phone 07719 562 617 for enquiries about the groups email admin@peertalk.org.uk