Kathryn woke from her nightmare to find the pain in her head was more than a sleep induced illusion. It didn't help that she'd cried herself to sleep only three hours earlier or that she'd fallen asleep on her rooms lounger.
Unfortunately the throbbing and nausea when Kathryn laid her head against the cushions was more than she could bear, resorting in the need to call upon her replicator. Crossing the room with the lights off to avoid aggravating the ache pulsating against her temple she ordered an analgesic.
"Your request has been denied." The computer replied flatly and a little too loud."Medical order override 3a, please seek attention from your nearest doctor. Thank you."
"Oh, no!" Kathryn inwardly groaned risking the pain. Voyagers EMH had come to her at the beginning of the month complaining that the crew were self-medicating too much. Thus, not only doing him out of a job but diagnosing themselves incorrectly and not getting the proper treatment.
His suggestion to put a stop to this was to start doing house calls. Now if any crewmember ordered more than two medications the computer would refuse, then alert the doctor. Which meant that any minuet he would be knocking on her door demanding to know what the ‘medical emergency' was? Kathryn didn't very much feel like a visit from the doctor, not tonight of all nights but there was no way to stop him.
Rubbing her stiff neck she slowly made her way to the door of her quarters, leant against the lintel and waited.
If you walked it took approximately 3minuets 45seconds to get from sickbay to her quarters. The door chimed after 2 minuets 10 seconds.
"Who is it?" Kathryn asked through the doors intercom while trying to sound sleepy.
"Paris ma'am." Came back the unexpected reply.
"Paris?" Kathryn questioned, she hadn't anticipated the doctor sending his assistant, believing he would want to attend to her himself.
"Yes ma'am." The ‘field assistant' come ‘nurse' responded."I believe you ordered a painkiller."
"Well yes I did," Kathryn acted,"but I'm ok now." She tried to sound normal and cheerful but the stabbing pains in her head made her voice tremble."Any way why are you here and not the doctor?" Change of subject that's a good idea.
"The doctors on a house call, I was just finishing my duty shift in sickbay when the computer alerted me, or rather the absent doctor that you'd asked for an analgesic. I didn't want to leave you waiting in pain so I came instead."
"That was thoughtful, but I really am ok." To get to her quarters in under three minuets he must have run part of the way.
"I think as the appointed medical officer, I should be the judge of that."
Kathryn sighed deeply, adjusted her dressing gown so it covered her legs and chest then tapped the door open control. Paris had been leaning against the door jam with a concerned expression on his face but smiled and stood up straight upon seeing her.
"See Tom I'm fine, you can go off duty with a clear conscience."
"You look ok." He lied, she looked tired, her hair was unkempt and her eyes were puffy."But you know if I don't get some kind of evidence other than visual, as soon as the doctor finds your replicator request he's going to come down here and check your ok for himself."
Kathryn knew he was right, she wasn't going to bluff her way out of this after all."Ok, come in."
Moving away from the door she ordered the lights on low and made for the seating under the window. As she sat down her dressing gown slipped revealing a shapely bare leg, but Kathryn didn't notice.
Paris followed. Putting his medical kit down on the coffee table he noticed and admired the tanned flesh on display but he also noted that the table was covered in compad's, cold coffee cups and an up turned photo frame. The frame he noticed most of all as it was the one where his captain usually kept her fathers photograph.
"All I need is a quick scan for the records then I'll go."
Willing the pain to go away Kathryn sat still as Paris ran his medical tricorder up and down her body at a discreet distance. When he didn't say anything she thought she'd gotten away with it, but he wasn't fooled and putting down the tricorder reached back into the medical kit to produce a hypospray.
Kneeling on the seat beside Janeway, Paris held her shoulder steady with one hand while administering the painkiller into her neck with the other. They exchanged glances, raised eyebrows and pursed lips before finally speaking.
"I didn't want to bother anyone." It was a half truth.
"Isn't that what the doctor has been complaining about?" Replied Paris, taking a seat beside her as he put his equipment away. Then with the bag shut he picked up the photo frame.
"No!" Kathryn called out, but it was too late, Paris had flipped the photo over and stood it up facing them.
The picture was different to the one Paris remembered, this showed two men, one Janeways father the other a young lieutenant. Each had a broad smile and their arm around the other. The lieutenant was Justin Tighe, Kathryn's fiancé and if his memory served him well, today was the anniversary of the accident that caused their death.
"That explains why you've been crying."
Kathryn gave Tom a blank stare, how had he known?
"You'd be amazed what a medical tricorder can pick up." He responded as way of an explanation.
"You off all people should know how painful ghosts from the past can be?" Kathryn sat back in her seat and tugged the errant dressing gown over her leg.
"I've done my share of penance in the dark." A shadow crossed Paris mind."But I created my own nightmares you're just the victim of one."
"Victim? Nicely put."
"I'm sorry I came here to make you feel better not worse."
"That's ok Tom" Said Kathryn leaning forward and resting her hand on his shoulder."There's nothing in there that can take this pain away."
"No." Tom agreed, finding himself looking into two pools of blue sorrow."I should be going, but I have a feeling that if I do your just going to start crying again and I'll only have to come back later."
"Then stay?" The words escaped Kathryn's lips before she understood the implication of what she was asking.
Tom unfazed by her invitation leaned in closer and brushed the wayward hair from her eyes, before softly caressing her check. Kathryn remained motionless as he traced the outline of her mouth with is thumb then held her breath as he touched his lips to hers, parting them gently so that she could taste him and savour the memory before drawing back.
"I can't." Tom whispered then rose swiftly and walked to the door.
Frozen to the spot Kathryn watched silently as he reached the door and opened it, yet inside she was screaming, ‘Don't go, come back, please Tom turn around.' Except he didn't and then he was gone.
Eight hours of bridge duty ticked by slowly each second intensifying the previous as Kathryn and Tom sat in silence. Him with his back to her not daring to turn around and her watching his every move waiting for him to do just that. In the end, Kathryn rose and without a word to anyone sort refuge in her office.
Tom, hearing the soft shifting movement of her clothes and the tap-tap of her steps, glanced sideways and watched as the door whooshed closed behind her. He could have left, gone off duty and back to his own quarters but there was something he had to do first.
It was dark inside the room and Kathryn was standing with her back to him silhouetted by the stars beyond her window.
"If you don't stop crying in the dark, I'm going to fix the lights so you can't turn them off."
Kathryn turned around and before she could think twice met Tom halfway across the floor. His arms encircled her waist and she pulled him to her body before crushing her mouth against his. He hadn't expected this but now the moment was upon him, Tom revealed in the ecstasy of her embrace, returning with vigour the passion and pleasure.
"Oh Kathryn!" Tom moaned removing his bruised lips.
"I nearly called you back last night." Kathryn confessed.
"If it's any help I nearly came back, twice. I got as far as the turbo lift the second time."
"Tom what are we going to do?"
"If we were anywhere else, at any other time, I would make love to you and be dammed the consequences."
"That sounds so good right now."
Tom took the initiation this time and engorged himself on her mouth, but as he did a warning bell rang inside his head and he roughly broke contact.
"We can't Kathryn." Tom gasped taking a step backwards.
"Because I'm your captain?" Kathryn was still breathing heavy from the kiss's oxygen deprivation.
"That's only part of it."
"Belanna?"
"Chakotay?"
"Chakotay and I have an understanding."
"Belanna and I don't and if the doctor got wind of anything he would dissect me with his favourite laser scalpel."
"Then there's the rest of the crew." Kathryn moved her hands so that they rested on Toms chest and he covered them with his, squeezing gently.
"This wouldn't work." Tom said, licking the taste of her off his lips.
"Anywhere else......" Kathryn began.
"Any other time......." Tom finished.
"Is that a date then?" Smiling Kathryn moved back closer to Tom. For some reason she felt cold away from him.
Her smile was infectious and a big grin spread across his face as he answered."Yes."
Tom Paris resisted kissing his captain again before leaving her ready room but he made her promise to call him next time she had a headache.
